reflection: from the inside out.

I came here expecting to be strengthened, to be driven. Instead I have been broken, I've wandered, I have been stretched, examined and through it all I have been carried by Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine. Last week was my last week with the kids at Kayamandi. All semester we haven't been able to take pictures of the kids and last week was our first and last time to do it. Looking back I can remember being surprised and even a little frustrated about not being able to bring my camera, not being able to capture but reflecting I can see how it allowed me to really focus on the moment. To capture hearts and laughter and memories, to burn these children in my spirit, something my camera would never be able to do. Last friday was our last dinner with my program and in the middle of sixty something plus people, I discovered community. Standing in the middle of a group that five months ago were complete strangers. People that have become friends and fellow travelers in our journey this strange and beautiful land. South Africa, I've discovered is an interesting teacher. The landscape has a way of lodging itself into the mind in such a way that forever ruins you for any other terrain. This country, this continent once you allow it to touch you, brands you, and you are never the same. SA is unconventional and uncomfortable and I think that in that unconventional, in that uncomfortable is where I have grown the most, where my mind and heart have expanded. I think back to my first month here, the excitement, the energy (the cold). I remember the middle months the anger, the confusion, the homesickness and i think of now. The growth, the lessons, the warmth. I've looked at letters from friends and family, emails, packages (even a visit!), the prayers, the words of encouragement slipped into my moments of hopelessness, my moments of emptiness . I've sought and found all sorts of treasures through a different pair of eyes. I have walked in shoes that have left me blistered. I have walked barefoot.  I have seen this space and I have become it. These are the things that have lifted me that have encouraged me.  Friends how faithful is our God. I am where and who I am today because of him. For he himself is our peace and I can now testify to that peace. It brought me here, it has carried me and comforted me. It has revived me. And this friends, is where my joy has been hidden. 

"For though I am absent from you in body, 

I am present with you in spirit and delight to see how orderly you are

 and how firm your faith in Christ is."

as always. 

peace. love. grace.

sunshine sunshine everywhere!

Man at the Hermanus Whale Festival

Kids at the Judah Square Settlement

View down the street

Biscuits: our dysfunctional cat

abdul at the beach

jace at J-Bay

abby and me

all we are...we are.

I know its been awhile. I know I should have some good stories or at the least a good excuse. Sorry. I have neither. I have nothing to describe the moments, the sheer amount of life I've experienced in the last couple of weeks. Desmond Tutu, Catrin, Bobby. October. I haven't had the time to write any of it simply because I've been experiencing it and now I'm still left spinning in the afterglow. Where do I start, what to say-how do I show you the brilliant blue skies and everything that's been growing inside, filling up until there's nowhere else to flow but out. A little less that six weeks and this little heart will be on a flight back across the world. Sorrow mingles with joy mingles with sorrow mingles with joy in this house of cards and I am alive friends. I cannot resist, not today, I am alive. 

-midnight conversations under a beautiful summer moon 

-car rides into the unknown if only for a few hours 

-dancing out frustrations, confusions, and mistakes 

-laughter that echoes long after the sound has passed 

-excitement that renders me speechless 

-beauty mad complete in the knowledge of its Creator 

-being reminded of who I am and finding so. much. more (thank you katrina) 

four seasons and this ones already changing. life continues. I'm still meeting people. still being changed and I breathe. Inhaling and exhaling places and experiences, expectations, memories, disappointments discoveries. I have fallen, crawled and been lifted into grace. Friends, these are my words, this is what I bring to the table... 

"Every good and perfect gift is from above" 

peace. love grace. 

monkeys, cheetahs, and rastas

well my dear faithful followers, i failed to inform you that i would be gone, touring the eastern cape on what is widely known as (drumbeat).... "THE GARDEN ROUTE". For that i apologize. South Africa is now entering what it calls spring, i know, i know, It seems a little backwards to be having spring break in september... but call it what you will, a break is a break. Anyway, i kept a very accurate journal on my little five day safari and i thought i would entertain you all a bit with a look back into spring break south africa part un.....

Day One (saturday Sept. 6th)

no one should ever have to see what 4 am looks like. ever. its just cruel. somehow, by the grace of God, i managed to drag myself out of bed and into the van with my fellow housemates to join the other 9 vans and 52 passengers. for the first time since the shotgun rule was declared, people were fighting for back seats and since no one is coherent at that God-forsaken time, we all looked and sounded like caveman fighting for fresh kill. Thirty minutes and twenty coffees later found our happy little caravan heading through the country, with only the occasional snore and grumble to distract us.

*sidenote* if you ever are able to travel to south africa, please PLEASE travel the country side. it is absolutely breathtaking. Lord of the Rings, Narnia, any of these, SA puts to shame.

so our first stop five hours later is at an ostrich farm. now this might come as a surprise but these birds although stupid are DANGEROUS. they tear a whole in you with their talon and then stomp you to death. after this little introduction its no surprise that the guide got a million hands up when he asked for volunteers to ride the ostrich. i looked around at grown men and women squirming in their seats hands straining in the air, little prayers being uttered from lips and thought these people are crazy. i for one know my mother would not appreciate a letter telling her that her only daughter had died from an ostrich attack. i mean really? there has to be better ways to go. so no i did not ride the ostrich. i did not pass go. i did not collect 200 dollars. but i did enjoy watching as people fell off the ostrich.

THE FACE OF STUPIDITY. 

we left the ostrich farm and headed to the cango caves. ooooooo. these things are massive. huge. pictures dont do it justice. being the responsible child i am i of course took the adventure route. this is where you get to crawl through little holes and openings in the caves to get to elaborate inner chambers. i mean ostrich's are dangerous a 1ft by 15 inch opening in an underground ancient cave is nothing. so off i went!



Day two

we spent the day at the beach. chilling out maxing relaxing. since South Africa does not believe in opening anything on sundays this is what we spent the majority of the morning doing. The afternoon found us antsy, restless, and bloodthirsty. the leader of our group had promised us a surprise and we wanted it NOW! so once again we piled into the vans and headed off into the jungle, literally, there was no road just a dirt path. and when we arrived i felt like we'd been dropped off at jurrasic park. if you dont believe me look for yourself.


but no it wasn't jurassic park. it was MONKEYLAND!!! chaos everywhere. monkeys over here. monkeys over there. monkeys in your faces. monkeys following you. me following the monkeys. monkeys above you. monkeys shoving food down their throats. big ones, small ones. slow ones. quick ones. there was a bridge we had to cross. talk about seeing indiana jones, I WAS indiana jones!!!






but it only gets better. i JAYDEN/LYNN/STRANGER was in an enclosing with adult cheetahs. (the baby cheetahs came later) now i know what your thinking. you wont ride/pet an ostrich but you not only get in with a cheetah you pet it?!! yes, yes there is no rhyme or reason to it and my mom will probably have a heart attack. i dont know how my brain works but there i was, face to face with the planets fastest animal. a dangerous carnivore. and the first words out of my mouth are "who's a pretty kitty!!!"





Day three

nothing exciting. forty members of my group decided to bungee jump off the worlds highest bridge. the other half went tree canoping. me? i cheered on from a safe but exciting distance. Here's Zach, spiraling into the abyss. as you can see Jacques and Matthew are also looking on contemplating imminent death. watching is just as exciting as jumping- i did watch that fresh prince when hillary's fiancee died bungeeing thank you you very much. and all that for a crummy certificate....pshhhh.




Day four

all you surfers out there. read it and weep. JBAY BABY!!!! surf legends have been born here. standards have been set. boards have been waxed. waves have been tested again and again and ill be the first to tell you that even in the off season Jeffery's Bay definitely lives up to par. being a firm believer in carpe diem, you can bet that i was on the water faster than you can say "kelly slater brahhhhhh."

Days five, six, seven.....

Addo National Park Safari style and...the Rastafarian community-Judah Square. i wish i had words for you.

ONE LOVE

i pretty much feel accomplished. 

as always...

peace. love. grace : )

ABC easy as 123

The difference between American students and south African students are the motives to learn. The majority of us play to win in the sense that its not about retaining but memorizing enough to pass the test, class, etc. Several South African students I’ve met can recite to me material learned in Form 2 (sophomore year high school) and I can barely remember what my class schedule was last semester. This week has been a whirlwind of papers, deadlines and exams to write. The heat is on! Fourth term is right around the corner and I’ve had more than my share of panic attacks. My truth and reconciliation class will be death of me. In this class we read two books, watch a couple of films and reflect on what this country has gone through during apartheid, post apartheid and the influence of the TRC hearings. It is mentally and emotionally draining, so much this country has (is) going through; passive discussions do not exist here. The stories, the information everything we’re learning does not allow room for complacency, and this is just one of my classes. Jewelry Design has left me in the fetal position more times than not. I’ve burned myself, burned my equipment, and burned the teacher. But I have not ruined any of my work (knock on wood). Xhosa is a world of its own, learning a language, of which you have no reference point, is very VERY difficult. Its also my favorite class. My tutors have turned out to be my kids I volunteer with, teaching me where accents are placed, how to make my tongue move against my teeth, it’s a beautiful thing I tell you! Next on the academic agenda are papers, papers everywhere. Everyone writes their finals in October here, so September is a month full of essays and long long nights in the library. You know the nights where allthewordsonthescreenruntogether. Yea, those nights. I’m looking forward to it.

behold hatred, thy name is finals.




peace. love. grace

oh the places you go.....